HOW TO HEAL FROM REJECTION AND FIND YOUR PURPOSE

TRANSCRIPT

Many years ago, after graduating from university with a degree in English Language and Literature, I had a close friend. We were “ride or die,” singing together in our church’s youth choir for years. Our bond felt unbreakable.

After we graduated, she formed a new singing group. They started getting featured on television, churches were inviting them to perform, and I, naturally, wished to be a part of it. I discussed it with her, since she hadn’t invited me. Her words were clear, and they stung: she told me I wasn’t a “good fit.” Even more, she said she would no longer be as close with me, as she had “found a new tribe.” That hurt. It felt like rejection.

My mum, of blessed memory, always told me, “Every disappointment is a blessing in disguise for a child of God.” So, I held onto that, believing I wasn’t meant to be part of that group. I went on seeking a career. At the time, I hadn’t found an employment opportunity that felt truly “worth it” for my qualifications, so being part of the group felt like it would keep me busy. But God, as always, had other plans for me.

Not much longer after that, I secured employment with a multinational organization, earning a significant six-figure income – that was huge back then! It truly helped meet my needs and my family’s needs at the time. Fast forward to today, and I’m a licensed psychotherapist living in Australia.

Purpose had taken me miles and continents away from my old friends. Perhaps if I had been a member of that group, I might not have stepped into my true calling today. I sing well, but singing is not my primary assignment. I love what I do now – helping people’s emotional needs, restoring hearts, and helping individuals and families rewrite their legacies. I couldn’t trade this for anything else.

(3:30) What is Rejection, Emotionally? A Psychotherapist’s View

My story, like so many of yours, highlights that rejection is far more than just a “no.” As a psychotherapist specializing in emotional healing for Christian women, I can tell you that rejection is a complex, multifaceted feeling that strikes at the very core of our being. It’s not merely disappointment; it’s a profound blow to our self-worth, our sense of identity, and our fundamental need for belonging.

When we experience rejection, especially from those we care about or situations we desire, it can trigger primal fears: the fear of abandonment, the fear of not being enough, or the fear of being unlovable. Our brains actually process social rejection similarly to physical pain – it literally hurts. This emotional pain can be amplified for Christian women who may also grapple with questions like, “Am I rejected by God?” or “Why isn’t God opening this door?” It touches on our attachment wounds from childhood, making us feel unsafe or unworthy of connection.

(4:50) Signs of Unhealed Rejection: Recognizing the Patterns

So, how does unhealed rejection show up in our lives? It’s often subtle, weaving itself into our daily patterns. Here are some signs you might be carrying the weight of past rejections:

• People-Pleasing: Constantly seeking approval, afraid to say no, or sacrificing your needs to keep others happy. This stems from a deep fear that if you’re not “good enough,” you’ll be rejected again.
• Conflict Avoidance: You’d rather stay silent or agree than voice your true feelings, fearing disagreement will lead to abandonment.
• Self-Doubt & Low Self-Esteem: A persistent inner critic, a feeling that you’re not capable, or a general sense of not being “enough” for love, success, or friendship. This is a common manifestation of unhealed wounds.
• Difficulty Trusting: Guarding your heart excessively, struggling to open up, or expecting others to eventually hurt you. This impacts healthy Christian relationships.
• Hyper-Vigilance: Constantly scanning for signs of disapproval or impending abandonment in others’ words or actions.
• Withdrawal: Pulling away from social situations or potential relationships to avoid the risk of further pain.
• Spiritual Struggle: Questioning God’s love, feeling overlooked by Him, or struggling to believe in His good plans for your life because of past disappointments.

Rejection is complex because it often taps into our deepest family of origin emotional wounds. If you grew up feeling unseen or unheard, rejection in adulthood can feel like a confirmation of those early hurts, reinforcing a belief that you are fundamentally “not enough.”

(6:45) The Path to Recovery: Healing from Rejection Biblically

The good news, my dear sister, is that healing from rejection is absolutely possible, especially within a Christian framework. Here are steps you can take:

1. Acknowledge and Lament: Don’t spiritualize away the pain. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, sadness, and anger. Bring these raw emotions to God in prayer, just as the psalmists did. He can handle your honest lament.
2. Reframe with God’s Truth: Actively combat the lies of rejection with God’s Word. Remind yourself that your identity is in Christ, not in human approval or external circumstances. “You are chosen, holy, and dearly loved.” (Colossians 3:12).
3. Process the Pain: This is where professional support, like trauma-informed therapy or EMDR therapy, can be incredibly powerful. It helps you process the emotional charge of past rejections, especially those linked to childhood trauma, so they no longer control your present. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend or mentor, and allowing yourself to grieve are also vital.
4. Set Healthy Boundaries: Learn to say “no” to what depletes you and “yes” to what honors your worth. This protects your heart and teaches others how to treat you.
5. Cultivate Healthy Community: Intentionally seek out relationships where you feel safe, seen, and celebrated. This rebuilds trust and counters the isolation rejection can cause.
6. Embrace Your Purpose: Just as my own rejection led me to my true calling, ask God to reveal the purpose in your pain. Sometimes, a closed door is God redirecting you to a wider, more fulfilling path.

(8:45) Signs You’re Healing from Rejection

How will you know you’re recovering? You’ll start to see beautiful shifts:

• You can feel emotions related to rejection without being completely overwhelmed by them.
• The volume of negative self-talk decreases significantly.
• Your self-worth and confidence grow, rooted in Christ, not external validation.
• You can set and maintain healthy boundaries with greater ease.
• You’re able to trust appropriately, discerning safe relationships.
• You feel a sense of peace and contentment in God’s plan for your life, even if the path isn’t what you expected.
• You no longer take every “no” or perceived slight as a personal indictment of your worth.

(9:30) Conclusion

My dear sister, rejection is a part of the human experience, but it doesn’t have to define your future. God is in the business of healing, restoring, and redirecting. He can turn your disappointments into divine appointments, just as He did for me. Your journey of emotional healing is an act of faith, preparing your heart for the healthy, loving relationships He has for you.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into healing from rejection and address those family of origin emotional wounds, I invite you to explore these resources You can also book a 1:1 session with me to walk through your unique story with trauma-informed support.

Remember, you are not too much, you are not overlooked, and you are deeply loved by a God who has a beautiful purpose for your life. Keep trusting, keep healing, and keep stepping into the wholeness He designed for you.

Ready to Embrace Your Healing Journey?

If this message spoke to you:

• Download my book Beyond the Hurt — it’s full of stories like this one, and step-by-step tools for healing trauma, rebuilding self-worth, and choosing love from peace, not pain.
• Book a 1:1 session with me. I’d be honored to walk with you through the grief, the patterns, and those inner voices that still whisper “not enough.” Until you feel calm, confident and beautiful
• Join the community! Subscribe to my newsletter  and join my face book group for women for ongoing support, resources, and encouragement for your mental wellness and spiritual growth.

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